A Guide to “Enlightened Few” Twitter
Known to the masses as “faux woke elite twitter”
Hello new entrant,
You are warmly welcome to the ‘enlightened-few’ on twitter. People (Ignorant of course) refer to us as “faux woke” twitter but we prefer to call ourselves the “enlightened” on this bird app. You see, we are the people who know the real truth and can “discern” issues better and can decode meanings in statements and actions (Don’t ask us how we do it, we just do!). Unfortunately, most of the citizenry are plainly blind people who can’t see the errors in their thinking. The onus falls on us to reveal the ultimate truth! There are some ground rules you dare not deviate from. If you do, you will be summarily dismissed from our side of the web. They are as follows;
1.You are always right. Everyone else who disagrees with you is an idiot who deserves to be cancelled. Call on us so that we hasten the process to discredit the individual entirely. Whoever calls for facts is nothing but an enemy. Even if there are facts that disprove your claim, it is a conspiracy to hide the real truth.The real truth is what you’re preaching. Let no one tell you otherwise.
2.No debate allowed. Insult or block whoever tries to have a civilized debate about an issue with you. The truth is the truth. There is no need for debate even if the issue warrants one. Whoever tries to is an idiot who will destroy your mental health and wants to plunge the country into uncertainty and chaos. Block them immediately.
3.It’s always the government’s fault. This is our modus operandi. No matter what it is, it’s the government’s fault. Even if the government has nothing to do with the situation, it is their fault for not seeing it ahead of time. They are our enemies and must be discredited at every turn. Our attacks on them must be relentless, regardless of the facts in hand. We must make sure to present them to the world as a bunch of marauders. Nothing more. No mercy for any of them.
4.Demean whoever supports a political party. Especially if the party in question is in power. Treat them like monsters. They are spineless maggots who don’t have the courage to sub the government like we do. Why on earth would they even support a political party? Obviously, they can’t be people who believe in the ideology the party espouse, and believe the work their leaders have done while in government is commendable. They must be paid hacks with no conscience. They are fools who must be insulted at every turn even if they have the facts and data on their side. Don’t believe a single one of them. If they relent in spreading their lies (They are always lying), block them so that you can have a sanitized TL.
5.Speak about an issue based on your emotions. Never research before putting out your opinion. What the hell are facts and data?. Nothing but stuff to prevent the right things from happening. Trash them at every turn. If a person persists in asking for facts to back your claims, block the fool. As a member of the right side of Twitter, you have no time to waste on people who cannot see that what you’re claiming is the ultimate truth.
6. Even though you have so many complaints, you must never get involved in creating tangible change. What you do best is complementing the right authorities in a backhand. That is the best way to create change. Don’t get involved, don’t vote, don’t run for office. That’s just a waste of your time. What you must do is constantly wail online. That’s the best way to go.
7.Never commend/acknowledge the good works of the government. It is antithetical to our being. We must never commend them even if they’ve done the right thing. That would be falling for the PR drive they’re pushing. Even if it’s not PR, it is no responsibility of ours to call a spade a spade. How does that suit our agenda? Shelve such nonsense and proceed to eviscerate them at every turn.
Those are our rules in a nutshell. We expect to see you on Twitter doing the Lord’s work ASAP. Below also is our pledge which you must recite every morning before you start watching your daily dose of CNN.
THE PLEDGE
I promise on my honour
to be faithful and loyal to the
‘Enlightened-Few’ Twitter my motherland.
I pledge myself to the service of our side of the web
with all the strength in my fingers and just vibes in my brain.
I promise to hold in high esteem.
Our agenda, written for us by our lead enlightened individuals; and I pledge myself in
all things to uphold and defend the ultimate “truth” whether true or not
So help me God
Or not.
